Local quantum physicists are reportedly baffled by a recurring temporal anomaly centered around departing vehicles and friendly neighborhood grandmothers. A recent incident at an undisclosed Natchitoches residence has once again demonstrated that a simple, “Well, I best be getting along” functions not as an exit strategy, but as a binding verbal contract for at least ninety additional minutes of conversation, standard (weather, health) and bonus (garden pests, Junior’s third divorce) topics mandatory. Experts warn that the standard “Southern Goodbye” is not a process, but a geological event, with exit times now measured in fiscal quarters rather than minutes. We’ll have more on this story, assuming our reporter can ever leave.